Transgendered - Sarah Lynn's Journey To Womanhood

06:43 pm - Employment Non-Discrimination Act.

Leaders in the U.S. House say we can't pass a version of ENDA that includes all gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. They say they just don't have enough votes.

We have 10 days – or less – to prove them wrong.

But we have our work cut out for us. We still need to change the hearts and minds of more than a few Members of Congress. We succeeded in getting the House to delay their vote for no more than 10 days – so we have a very short window of opportunity.

Can you get 10 of your friends to make a call to Congress in the next 10 days?

I pledge to join the "10 in 10" campaign and get 10 friends to call Congress!

The issue at hand is which version of ENDA will pass the House. The inclusive version? Or the new version that leaves part of the GLBT community behind?

Since last week, when House leaders decided to move a version of ENDA that includes sexual orientation only, we have been working around the clock to make sure the original bill, HR 2015, which includes sexual orientation and gender identity, is the version that Congress considers.

Supporters like you have generated 80,000 emails, calls, letters, and visits to members of Congress to support the right version of ENDA – the inclusive version – and we thank you! We have 10 days or less to show Congress that our community will not be divided.

Take the pledge and get 10 friends involved!

People like Susan Stanton understand why this is so important. Susan had been the City Manager in Largo, FL, for about 14 years, and had received excellent job evaluations, when a news article reported that she was transgender and planning to transition from a man to a woman. City commissioners fired her six days later.

Our HRC Board of Directors – joined by other HRC citizen volunteers – went to Capitol Hill in recent days to personally lobby members of Congress to pass HR 2015. HRC has coordinated more lobby visits on this issue than any other GLBT or allied organization. But it won't be enough unless the public support is overwhelming.

We need you and your friends to be part of these efforts by pledging to contact 10 people today, no matter your representative's position on the bill. Even our allies need to know how strong our support is for an ENDA that covers the full GLBT community.

Take the "10 in 10" pledge now!

Scroll down for a letter you can send your friends and family right now. And thank you for helping us fight for equality for all GLBT people, together.

Warmly,

Joe Solmonese
President

P.S. Forward the message below, right now!

Hi,

In most states, you can be fired for being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, regardless of your performance or qualifications. That's just not right.

The Human Rights Campaign is leading the charge to end this injustice by passing a federal bill called the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). But Congressional leaders recently decided to change the language of ENDA so that it only includes sexual orientation and NOT gender identity.

I contacted Congress to make sure the entire GLBT community is included in ENDA. I'm hoping you'll join me, and then tell 10 more friends in the next 10 days. We have a short window of opportunity on this one.

Please join me at:
http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/enda_oct

02:39 pm - The Woman Who Used To Live In The Mirror.

I read this on Diane Wilson's website and thought it was really good. http://www.firelily.com/fiction/mirror.woman.html


It was the first time I'd ever gone anywhere in a dress. When I got home, there she was, looking back at me from the mirror. She wasn't me, but she couldn't exist without me, either. We both knew that.

"We're going to do this again," she told me. She studied my clothes, as if they were hers. She looked distracted, though; something else was on her mind. It was to become her obsession--going out, other chances for her to escape from the mirror. I could feel the power of that obsession, even then. She scared me; I didn't want to admit that I knew her.

I didn't want to leave her there, either, but I was tired and needed to sleep. As I took off my clothes, pieces of her disappeared until no one was left in the mirror but me.

I didn't like the way that felt. She couldn't exist except in my presence, and I'd sent her away. I hadn't known what else to do. But when she leaped from my eyes to the mirror, she took with her my hidden desire to be--her. Now that she was gone, she still had my desire. She'd left me incomplete.

I began to look for other opportunities to let her out of the mirror. Going to the post office at midnight to buy stamps from the machine. Returning movies after the video store had closed. Even standing out on the balcony during a thunderstorm at night. Going out was her special thrill. She always knew how far she was from the mirror, how far her clothes were from my closet.

I took her shopping, or she took me, or we took each other. All she needed was for me to wear something of hers, and she was with me. At first her selections were unlike anything I'd wear--sexy, even slutty. What she needed, she said, was not to be me. After a while, her selections improved; they were more like the kind of clothes a woman my age, my height, my weight would wear. She looked good in them, too. This was a woman I could learn to like.

But it scared me to go out in public as her; I was sure someone would know. So we shopped by phone more than in person. I thought that would be enough for her, but she needed to wear the things that we bought, needed to wear them in public. "Why don't we go out more?" she asked. She wouldn't listen to my fear.

Sometimes we used my computer to talk to other mirror-women. "Where do you go when you're out?" she'd ask. "What are you wearing?" they'd say. Black leotard and a denim skirt. Turtleneck and jeans. Sometimes they asked more personal questions, but she never answered those. Soon she knew what kind of people would ask those questions even before they spoke.

One day she said, "I want your body."

That scared me. Did she know what she was asking? This was the moment I'd been dreading, a moment that other mirror-women had told us about. What she wanted was not temporary. "We'll talk about it," I said; maybe we could work out an arrangement. I wasn't the person she wanted to talk to, though.

We found a therapist who knew about mirror-women. After all the times we'd shared, suddenly it was her against me. We were both frightened: I could lose my body. She could lose her life. A word from the therapist, and one of us could die.

A word was all the therapist said. She held up a mirror to us and said, "Count." There was only one image in the mirror. The mirror-woman had known all along which of us it would be.

There was no stopping my mirror-woman now. She wanted me to go on hormones. "Whose body is this?" I asked, but her therapist said, "Yes." "Whose body is this?" I asked, but she sat at my computer and listened to other mirror-women. "Do it!" they said. "Do it! Do it!" "I'm jealous," one said; "I wish I could do that." "I did it, and I never looked back," another said. "Do it!"

"Whose body is this?" I asked, but my voice was lost among the mirror-voices.

With the hormones, she no longer needed for me to wear her clothes in order to steal my body. I now shopped openly for her clothes, even when dressed as me. When we went to a store, I never knew whose voice would speak to the clerk--mine or hers.

With the hormones, I grew breasts. My face changed, my hips changed, other things changed. She was thrilled, and while I shared in her thrill, my fear grew as well. This was the only body I'd ever known, and I no longer knew whose body it was.

She still wasn't satisfied. "I want a name," she said.

"But you already have one," I said.

"That's just between us. My body needs a name, too; it needs a proper name."

"A female name, you mean." Cold crept up my spine.

"Of course." She already knew how to do it; her mirror-friends had told her. We went to the courthouse and posted the notice. Old name, mine. New name, hers. Wait ten days, and pay a fee.

I no longer wanted to ask whose body it was. She had her mirror-friends, she had her therapist, and now she had me. What did I have?

I found out one night when she sat on the end of my bed and looked in the mirror. Her own image looked back from the mirror. She was in both places, and I was in neither. "Whose life is this?" I asked, but I knew.

"You can live in my old room," she said, pointing to her heart--the heart that used to be mine. I looked into the place where she had lived all my life. I knew beyond question why she'd wanted out, but I also knew that my alternatives were worse--I knew what other mirror-women did with their men.

"Promise me this," I said. "Promise you'll take no more from me."

She promised. But even in this, I was to learn, she was selfish.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright © 1995, 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights reserved.

06:13 pm - Two Years In Georgia-Two Years Old As Sarah

Today I have been living in Georgia as Sarah for two years. I now consider 9-14 as my new birth date. When I moved here two years ago I left all family and friends behind in search of peace, happiness and to find my true self. As far as peace goes in my own mind I have found some but I'm not sure I will ever find total peace. There is always the nagging questions, did I do the right thing, did I hurt to many people for my own peace of mind and then there are always people I meet or just see while out shopping that won't let me have any peace of mind with there dirty looks and rude comments. There is always someone waiting to remind You that Your not a real girl, they judge me by my looks never taking time to know me. But I've found a little peace in knowing that as Sarah I'm a very caring and loving person and no matter what I do there will always be people ready to put me down and that I feel is there lose.

As far as happiness, yes I think I'm happy. I'm Sarah all the time except for work ( which I hope to change soon ) even then if not in my looks at least in my mind I'm Sarah. I'm starting to meet and make new friends. I love going shopping, I need so many things, all these years collecting male clothes and memories and only two years as Sarah, leaves a lot of catching up to do. I've been on hormones for almost 3 years now and I love the way my mind and body have changed. I am starting hair removal in a few weeks :) it's a big step for me, I hate shaving! I look forward to other changes in the future to help me look a little more feminine. I'm not asking for miracles but just a little help, lol. I'm not happy about losing my family and friends back in NY, but I hope someday to at least gain acceptance if not love from some of them. I dream of going back home but I'm really not sure if I can ever go home, then NY was bill's home not Sarah's so maybe I'm already home or maybe I've yet to find Sarah's home? But all in all I'm as happy as I can expect starting life all over again.

Have I found my true self? I think I'm on the right road finally but my journey has just begun. After all these years of hiding who I am and the battles in my own mind it's hard to say but in my heart I know this is who I am. I'm finally being true to Sarah. Sarah is getting her chance to shine and blossom into the woman she was born to be.

I look forward to my future as Sarah. I know I still have a lot of heartbreak ahead but I have become so confident and proud as Sarah and I know I am doing the right thing, I think I'll be able to find my peace and happiness. If not in this lifetime then I'll have to try harder in my next, sooner or later I'll get it right.

Current Mood: hopeful

12:28 pm - The New And Improved Sexy Sarah Lynn

07:51 pm - Telling My Sister I'm Transgendered.

After two years of living in Georgia as Sarah, I decided it was time to tell someone in my family that I am transgendered. I moved here to hide it from and protect them but I have become more content with the person I am and thought it was time to start telling my family the real reason I moved away.

I chose my older sister to tell first because we always got along growing up and I knew if she did not agree with who I am that she would not tell anyone else and would at least respect my privacy. When we were younger we would always be doing things that our parents would not like but no matter what, we looked out for each other and did our best to protect each other, even today I miss those days and often think of how different it might have been if I was her sister then. But I did still love being her younger brother and looking out for her and her for me, I will never forget those days.

So I decided to take the easy way out and email her, we do not live close to each other so I thought this might be the best way. I sent Her a email but gave her plenty of warning not to read past the first paragraph if she couldn't handle the truth of who her brother was. I told her in brief the truth about my being transgendered. I didn't go into great detail but she got the point. I was so scared and for two days I cried and wished I could take the email back, I thought the worst. I should say that she doesn't have access to a computer everyday, so two days was not really that bad to wait for a response, but it felt like a life time to me. I got home from work Monday to find a email from her. I sat there for what felt like hours afraid to push the read email button. Then before I even had the courage to open it I received a phone call from her. The first thing she said was "I Love You" or at least that was the first thing I remember her saying, as I was kind of shocked to hear her voice. She went on to say that she even had thoughts about me being trans before but always put them aside. She said she wished I would have told her sooner instead of hiding it all my life. Then She told be that the one thing that has helped her was me telling her awhile back when She was having problems that, "We only live once and we all are getting older and that we need to live our own lives before it's to late." After that we both just started crying, I'm not sure I have the words to describe how happy I was. I sent her two pics of me as Sarah Lynn, and she said that I looked pretty good as a girl, which was a great compliment. To be honest I think I look somewhat like her, but she is much better looking. We are going to make plans to get together soon, and I can't wait to see her.

At this time I'm not sure how or when I'm going to tell my other three sisters or my kids for that matter. I know that I have to do it soon and thanks to my big sister it might be sooner than later. She has given me the courage to be honest with people about my gender. Although I can not expect the same results, I at least know that I have one sister who will love me as Sarah. I know some may say that I should have told everyone at once but I needed to test the waters first because I could not have taken rejection from everyone at once. Maybe I should have more faith in the people I love and those that love me? I hope now I have that faith no matter where things go from here.

Current Mood: rejuvenated